Therapy for Depression
What does depression feel like?
You may feel overwhelmed, trapped, crushed, helpless, joyless, aimless, “complete lack of energy,” “like nothing makes sense,” “like there is too much of everything to deal with,” “like it doesn’t make sense to even try.”
Why does depression happen?
Depression is a signal that we are up against something in our life that feels “too much” or “too big.” It can be a present living or working situation, a toxic relationship, a traumatic past, chronic pain, or a recent overwhelming experience that we don’t know what to do with. It can also be something that it’s hard to put a finger on or understand – something existential or spiritual, perhaps.
Are depression and anxiety the same thing?
They are related, but different. One way to think about the relationship between anxiety and depression is to understand how we humans respond to challenges. Our response to challenges depends on 1) how difficult the challenge is and 2) how many inner and outer resources we have. If the challenge before us can be easily overcome and we feel we have enough resources to do it, we feel excited. As the difficulty of the challenge goes up and/or our resources go down, we first start feeling stressed, then anxious, and then, at the far end of continuum, we start feeling quite overwhelmed and depressed.
How does depression affect relationships?
It is hard to find space for other people when we are feeling overwhelmed, hopeless, or paralyzed. Interacting with our family members, significant others, or friends can feel like “going through the motions,” as opposed to connecting that is energetically vibrant and satisfying.
Is depression genetic?
This is a question with some complexity to it. On the one hand, it is hard to argue with the fact that our genes have tremendous influence on our life in general, and our emotional life in particular. At the same time, with the development of epigenetics, we understand that our environment – especially our early environment – has significant influence on how our genetic makeup gets expressed. In other words, we may have “a gene for depression,” but whether we do develop a debilitating depressive condition will also largely depend on the context of our early and present life – how we were treated as a child, presence of any chronic ailments, any tragedies that befell us, our present relationships and status in society, etc.
Now, where I personally take a bit of an issue with over-focusing on the genetic aspects of depression is when it is used to justify approaching depression as a medical condition – that is, a disease without a deeper meaning to it. Similarly to, say, an infectious disease, depression is then treated as something we get almost randomly, through the sheer chance of genetic luck. From this perspective, it would be difficult, if not impossible, to explore the depressive state with curiosity, courage, and compassion - which is what would help it relax and change.
Seeing depression as a genetic or medical condition is also often used to justify automatic prescription of psychiatric drugs as a supposed cure for the “disease” of depression. I do not mean to say at all that there is no place for psychiatric drugs in the process of human healing - I am just skeptical as to the degree to which these drugs are prescribed and exclusively relied on.
Will depression last forever? Can it be cured?
If we attend to a painful part us with respect and curiosity, that part tends to change in a good way. This process may be lengthy – especially if the part has been stuck in a particular state for a long, long time – but this process will happen as long as we stick with the work.
This process may result in us reaching a point in our lives when we don’t get depressed any more. This will be the case for some of people. We will feel more energized and engaged with our lives, have more vibrant social connections, and have much more connection with the meaning in our lives.
At the same time, for a lot of us there will not be a complete “cure”: our lives will change for the better in other ways. For example, we may reach a point when our relationship to our depressed parts is very different from what it used to be. When our depressed parts get activated, we won’t feel nearly as overwhelmed; it won’t feel torturous any more; we will be able to stay present with the depressed part, like a good friend, until this part has had enough help and has relaxed again.
How I can help.
Your depression has deep meaning behind it. Understanding that meaning will allow it to get unstuck and change. I used the word “understanding,” but only some of it is intellectual understanding – a lot of the healing process is about "feeling into" the depressed state, exploring it experientially. First learning to first notice it, then to tolerate it, then interacting with it from a standpoint of curiosity, courage, and compassion. Hearing its story, witnessing its wounds, learning to better meet its needs, and changing our lives accordingly. This is the process that I will support you through.
At the right time and at your own pace, you will start experimenting with becoming more active and/or authentic in the outside world. For some this will be getting out of the house for a walk, finding a friend who you can be yourself with, following up on an interest that you have been ignoring, trying out public speaking, starting a business... For others, it will be more about stopping or modifying certain behaviors that you are used to doing, but that are not in line with how you want to live your life. Perhaps you are used to taking on too much work, and now you will begin experimenting with saying no to extra responsibilities; maybe you habitually lose yourself in taking care of others, and now it's time to try asserting better boundaries around your personal time. Letting go of these behaviors will allow for more space in your life where you can just feel what you need to feel and experiment with other activities and ways of being in the world. Ways that are more fun and that are more “you.”
I will support you as you get outside your comfort zone – by helping you brainstorm ideas, get over the hump of self-doubt, and process the powerful feelings that will inevitably come up during and following the new activities you play with.
You may feel overwhelmed, trapped, crushed, helpless, joyless, aimless, “complete lack of energy,” “like nothing makes sense,” “like there is too much of everything to deal with,” “like it doesn’t make sense to even try.”
Why does depression happen?
Depression is a signal that we are up against something in our life that feels “too much” or “too big.” It can be a present living or working situation, a toxic relationship, a traumatic past, chronic pain, or a recent overwhelming experience that we don’t know what to do with. It can also be something that it’s hard to put a finger on or understand – something existential or spiritual, perhaps.
Are depression and anxiety the same thing?
They are related, but different. One way to think about the relationship between anxiety and depression is to understand how we humans respond to challenges. Our response to challenges depends on 1) how difficult the challenge is and 2) how many inner and outer resources we have. If the challenge before us can be easily overcome and we feel we have enough resources to do it, we feel excited. As the difficulty of the challenge goes up and/or our resources go down, we first start feeling stressed, then anxious, and then, at the far end of continuum, we start feeling quite overwhelmed and depressed.
How does depression affect relationships?
It is hard to find space for other people when we are feeling overwhelmed, hopeless, or paralyzed. Interacting with our family members, significant others, or friends can feel like “going through the motions,” as opposed to connecting that is energetically vibrant and satisfying.
Is depression genetic?
This is a question with some complexity to it. On the one hand, it is hard to argue with the fact that our genes have tremendous influence on our life in general, and our emotional life in particular. At the same time, with the development of epigenetics, we understand that our environment – especially our early environment – has significant influence on how our genetic makeup gets expressed. In other words, we may have “a gene for depression,” but whether we do develop a debilitating depressive condition will also largely depend on the context of our early and present life – how we were treated as a child, presence of any chronic ailments, any tragedies that befell us, our present relationships and status in society, etc.
Now, where I personally take a bit of an issue with over-focusing on the genetic aspects of depression is when it is used to justify approaching depression as a medical condition – that is, a disease without a deeper meaning to it. Similarly to, say, an infectious disease, depression is then treated as something we get almost randomly, through the sheer chance of genetic luck. From this perspective, it would be difficult, if not impossible, to explore the depressive state with curiosity, courage, and compassion - which is what would help it relax and change.
Seeing depression as a genetic or medical condition is also often used to justify automatic prescription of psychiatric drugs as a supposed cure for the “disease” of depression. I do not mean to say at all that there is no place for psychiatric drugs in the process of human healing - I am just skeptical as to the degree to which these drugs are prescribed and exclusively relied on.
Will depression last forever? Can it be cured?
If we attend to a painful part us with respect and curiosity, that part tends to change in a good way. This process may be lengthy – especially if the part has been stuck in a particular state for a long, long time – but this process will happen as long as we stick with the work.
This process may result in us reaching a point in our lives when we don’t get depressed any more. This will be the case for some of people. We will feel more energized and engaged with our lives, have more vibrant social connections, and have much more connection with the meaning in our lives.
At the same time, for a lot of us there will not be a complete “cure”: our lives will change for the better in other ways. For example, we may reach a point when our relationship to our depressed parts is very different from what it used to be. When our depressed parts get activated, we won’t feel nearly as overwhelmed; it won’t feel torturous any more; we will be able to stay present with the depressed part, like a good friend, until this part has had enough help and has relaxed again.
How I can help.
Your depression has deep meaning behind it. Understanding that meaning will allow it to get unstuck and change. I used the word “understanding,” but only some of it is intellectual understanding – a lot of the healing process is about "feeling into" the depressed state, exploring it experientially. First learning to first notice it, then to tolerate it, then interacting with it from a standpoint of curiosity, courage, and compassion. Hearing its story, witnessing its wounds, learning to better meet its needs, and changing our lives accordingly. This is the process that I will support you through.
At the right time and at your own pace, you will start experimenting with becoming more active and/or authentic in the outside world. For some this will be getting out of the house for a walk, finding a friend who you can be yourself with, following up on an interest that you have been ignoring, trying out public speaking, starting a business... For others, it will be more about stopping or modifying certain behaviors that you are used to doing, but that are not in line with how you want to live your life. Perhaps you are used to taking on too much work, and now you will begin experimenting with saying no to extra responsibilities; maybe you habitually lose yourself in taking care of others, and now it's time to try asserting better boundaries around your personal time. Letting go of these behaviors will allow for more space in your life where you can just feel what you need to feel and experiment with other activities and ways of being in the world. Ways that are more fun and that are more “you.”
I will support you as you get outside your comfort zone – by helping you brainstorm ideas, get over the hump of self-doubt, and process the powerful feelings that will inevitably come up during and following the new activities you play with.